Posted 1 day ago

Finished this darling girls photos today.  She’s so sweet, but don’t let that fool you.  She was NOT easy to photograph! 

Posted 1 day ago

I’m an awful person. I know I am. Ugh.

Tim’s little brother decided to take 6 extra strength Tylenol and text some girl telling her “I hope I don’t die” so the girls dad went to their house to tell them. So yeah. There’s all that.

They called Tim, but he’s at a gig so he texted asking me to call to check in. Amilie was hysterical. And I got to listen to it and try to comfort her. And in my anger and resentment all I could think was “why couldn’t you do this for me when I needed it? Why do I have to be the better person?” Ugh.

I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t want to have those thoughts, but at the same time I genuinely felt that way. In my moments of crisis and sadness I’m made to be the monster. I’m torn down even farther. So much so that almost 2 years after I’m still so upset that when someone I care about does something genuinely stupid and maybe dangerous I can’t put it aside and be there. Does that make me as bad as her? Is my selfishness lessened because she made me this way?
Gah.

I’m going to bed.

Posted 3 days ago

My first few shots for a friendly photography group on facebook. 

The theme is ‘indoor photos with natural light’.  Which was pretty easy considering Chloe’s obsession with the back out my couches. 

Posted 3 days ago

My hair was awesome today. Though my selfie doesn’t display that well.

Easter at Tim’s parents. Chloe blew a dandelion for the first time.

Michelle and Andrew came over to watch Game of Thrones and then Naked and Afraid (Sunday is the best tv night.).
They brought their new dog, Roux (short for Rupert). Chloe loved him. Gave him a goodbye hug. With her head.

Posted 3 days ago

My hair was awesome today. Though my selfie doesn’t display that well.

Easter at Tim’s parents. Chloe blew a dandelion for the first time.

Michelle and Andrew came over to watch Game of Thrones and then Naked and Afraid (Sunday is the best tv night.).
They brought their new dog, Roux (short for Rupert). Chloe loved him. Gave him a goodbye hug. With her head.

Posted 4 days ago

humansofnewyork:

"I wasn’t lucky enough to have ever found what I wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong— I did nicely. But I never found my passion."

I find this so saddening. Not having something you love to do? There’s so much about my life I’m passionate about.

Posted 5 days ago

This is how she sleeps lately.

Hugging or touching my head.

Posted 5 days ago

Today.
Dear god today was rough.
First, Chloe pours her juice out in the living room. Okay, cool. I wipe it up and mop.
Then I go in the back for 48 seconds and come back to a baby and kitchen floor covered in soy sauce, it was a large bottle.
Okay. Bathe baby.
Husband informs me that he’s going to the Failure show in Houston with a bunch of guys. I already feel lonely, stressed and overwhelmed. So yeah, fight ensues.
Spill large container of sesame seeds all over. In my annoyance I go buy plants to make my yard look pretty. Start to feel a little better.
Cook an amazing supper. CHOKE ON STEAK. Not a little choke, like oh I coughed. Like, I couldn’t breathe. I felt it lodged in my throat and try to drink water and choke WORSE. I stand up, water goes all over, Tim says are you okay!? I shake my head no and start to panic. I’m going to pass out from lack of oxygen in front of clo. If he calls 911 will they get here in time? I’m only 4 min from the hospital… Tim hits my back before trying the heimlich, but that loosens it enough that I can cough it up.

Good Friday is not so good for me.

Posted 6 days ago

I. Can’t. Sleep.

I want a dog that can run with me. Carter behaves so badly and has hip problems.

A girl just posted on Facebook “ignore my posts about getting healthy, but so and so lost 7 lbs in his first week of using yor health”. What? Sure. Instead of doing something and eating better, I’ll just take these crazy herbal substitutes that are probably laced with speed. No thanks. I’d rather stay fat if that’s my option. Facebook has taught me self control. For realz.

Why can’t I sleep??

Tim and I fought the other night. He’s gone a lot. Which is cool, I like/need my alone time. But the house is a wreck. I need to work. The dog is a shit. And my kid hates life. I was beyond stressed when he told me he had practice and wasn’t coming home after work. Then he had a gig, so he wouldn’t be home until 2am. Which doesn’t help alleviate the crazy kid issue since she was asleep. As was I.

Sometimes I just get tired of being alone.

I need to do my sales taxes for this month. Procrastinationnnn.

Chloe is awesome. I’m hoping she’s plumping up but I’m worried she’s not doing so fast enough. I just don’t know what to do. Drug my kid so she’ll eat and sleep all the time? Feed her pure sugar, essentially? That’s what the doctor wants. I haven’t done any of that, though. I just keep food available and feed her all.the.time. And make her nutritious and calorie packed smoothies at least once a day. Usually twice.

Parenting is hard. We should have been better prepared for this.

Posted 6 days ago

This has been my life the last few weeks.  And I have 5 sessions I’m editing currently.  And 2 weddings coming up.  And a couple more shoots. 

Sleep?  Nah.